Have you ever felt like there was something missing in your life but have no clue what?
Its hard to pin point what exactly im lacking. Just going day by day, doing the same exact thing every single day. That feeling of worthlessness. I have a lot of regret. I wish I would have done better in school, gone to college, been more successful. I dont know what it is that I want to do. My life is wonderful, dont get me wrong. I love everything about my life. I love my husband with all my heart, and he is so sweet and loving towards me. I have a lot to be grateful for. A nice apartment to live in, a job, a car, and loving family and friends. But sometimes I feel like I am missing something. No its not kids. I definitely am NOT ready to have kids yet. In fact, I really want to live my life to its fullest before that step in my life begins. My wonderful husband, he is such a hard worker. Hes been going to school, and work. Which makes his days 13-14 hour days. LONG DAYS for sure. Yet he still finds time to spend quality time with me. Its hard when you only see him for a few hours a day, but we get by. We make our time together last. There are hours in a day that I am at home alone, and as much as I love being lazy. It starts to really wear on you. Id rather be doing something fun with my time. Also taking into account, MONEY! Cant do much without that. Ive thought about going to school. Actually id love to go back to school. Just go for some fun things, and general classes. But that cost lots of money. Ive thought about doing something I really enjoy. Crafts. I actually thought about, and still am thinking about buying some used furniture then putting my craft skills to work and refurnishing them into something super cute then selling it. Maybe earn a few extra bucks. Theres a lot of things I have thought about doing. Whats missing? I just feel so empty right now. I want to enjoy my last few years of freedom. Once the time in my life comes (kids I mean), which im super excited for, it changes your life forever. I want to make the best of my time before, while I have that freedom. But what? This has been going through my head the last few days, and I am struggling with an answer. No I'm not depressed. Just confused. Maybe i'm not too thrilled with myself when it comes to work and education. Wish I was more up and successful. I thought writing this all out would help me think about what I really want. Its not really working. Ha. I just go day by day, making it through week by week. I dont wanna live that way. I want to look back and think of how much fun it was around this time. Mark and I have tons of fun together when he is home. I love being with him. We wrestle and tease eachother all the time. Play silly games. Cuddle on the couch watching tv. Those moments I will treasure forever. Its the time when he is gone. I look back the last month, when I started working at my new job. When I think of how I spent my spare time, all I can think of is sitting on the couch being lazy waiting for mark to come home. I dont like that feeling. The feeling of wasted precious time. What should I do? Thats the question that runs through my head over and over again, ever single day! : /

SKYDIVING!!

Monday, September 5th
in tooele.

Kyle, Mark, & I

went SKY DIVING!

Probably the most epic thing I have ever done!

So this is how the day went down!
First Mark came over to my house,
i made some delicious crepes with fresh fruit....they were delicious!

Then we went off on our way to tooele!

When we got there at 12, unfortunetly we had to wait a really long time.
We had to watch a rediculous training movie....so weird!
Then we had to just sit around and wait till our time was up.
In the mean time...
We played on the demo plane
got a few sexy shots
After a while, my mom suprised Mark, by paying for him to go skydiving!
(He was only planning on watchig)
So he got pretty excited!
Then it came time to when we were about ready to go up!
We met our instructors and they harnessed us up!
My instructor was da bomb!!
We were all done harnessing up, and on our way to meet the plane!
We piled inside, and were ready to take off!
Probably one of the scariest plane rides ive been in!
The weather wasnt all that great, it was. It was a bit cloudy.
As we were flying up there, we were just about where we needed to be,
and all of a sudden we had some turbulence.
The plane dropped a lil bit, Scared the poop outta me!
But we were good. We flew up a lil more and were finally high enough.
It was time to Jump :P

I wasnt even that nervous yet, which was suprising!
But once it was my turn to jump out, we scooted towards the door

and thats when i got super nervous!

We started to rock back and forth.

Before I knew it, I was flying in the air!

It was so freaking Awesome!!

It was a lil hard to breath at first, until my chute came out!

Then my instructor let me control us, and we did some 360's

Gotta say that was the best time ever!

When we landed, we just slid on our tooshes!

I got a lot of grass down my pants,

Not a happy feeling!

I will always remember that experience, it was so fun!

I wanna go again so bad!


 

 

 

Mark And I

 We started dating on August 20th....Three weeks ago today!

He's so awesome!

I love spending time with, we NEVER have a dull moment together

We love joking with each other

All the time!

Im his Brat and he's my Punk!

I think our craziness fit!

Some call us strange, but we'd rather be strange then normal..... 
                         ....Normal is Boring!!

I love being with you Babe! You make me so Happy! 



My Besties!

Man what would I do with out my bestest friends!?

 I love my friends so much....

My life has changed so much since I graduated from High School!

Ive made so many good friends! And we do everything together!

Staying up till 2 in the morning almost every night during the week!

Having Sleepovers at least 3 times a week haha!

Barbeques and dance parties!

Weve had many adventures together!

Im loving my life!

Amanda Nielsen

Sarah Nielson

Paul Church

Brendon Mayberry

Darcey Kiser

You guys are my bestest friends in the whole world!

I dont know where I would be without you guys!!



The Sacred Grove

This past week I went to New York with my Mom and Brother, and the Demars family.
This trip was amazing! I loved it. We got the chance to go to the Sacred Grove, and many other church sites around there, also in Ohio too! But what standed out the most to me was the Sacred Grove. Being there in the sacred grove it gave me a feeling of peace! As we walked around, I had my phone in my pocket. I had music by Paul Cardall playing. Peaceful music, that definitely set the mood! I started thinking about what went on in this grove, and the miracles that happened. It made me think of my own life, and the impact it had on me! Where would I be in my life, if Joseph Smith never questioned his faith? If he never thought to open the bible and read that one scripture. I am eternally indebted to Joseph. He is my Hero! So as I thought of this in the Sacred Grove, I gained a greater appreciation for what he did! We got to a point in the grove where there was a bench, we all sat down and Kent began to read the story of Joseph. What an amazing spirit that brought! As he closed up the story, he bore his testimoney, then my mom did...after she finished we sat there in silence. My mom was looking at my brother and me, with the look of ...you shoud bare your testimony. We sat there for about 5 minutes, till i began to speak! I expressed my feelings about how I felt about seeing the grove and being there! It made me sad to think of all those people out there who dont know the truth! Who dont know the happiness they could feel. I want everyone to have to truth and happiness that I have in my life..to have someone to turn to in a time of trial and affliction. I am so grateful to have that in my life, and I have Joseph Smith to thank...and all those men and women who stood on his side! I love them so dearly! I cant ever express the gratitude in my heart for the wonderful blessing I have in my life to have to True Gospel!
May we all follow in Josephs footsteps and reach out to others, to show them and preach to them, the happiness of the True and Only church...The Church Of Jesus Christ of Ladder Day Saints!!

I Know who I am….A daughter of God….who loves me….and I love him

Its crazy how your life can go upside down in such a short period of time. God has truly stretched his arm out to me. After my spiritual experience that I told you about in my previous blog post, my weekend was more spiritual! After that day at work, where I could not explain the emotions I was going through, I went home, and hung around. I thought about everything that I had on my mind the night before. When it came time to get to bed, I went in my bed and began to read my scriptures, and pray. As I was praying, I got this strong feeling. Well this feeling was the exact feeling that came upon me when I was receiving my patriarchal blessing. The feeling that I was floating, and that I was in some other place. I was well aware of what the feeling was…the spirit of God. I began to cry, and talked to the Lord like I would with a friend. I asked for comfort and help. Immediately I got another feeling, but this time it wasn’t the same feeling. It was a feeling of my Dad sitting right next to me. A feeling of him saying…I LOVE YOU! And tell your mother I LOVE HER TOO! I cried myself to sleep that night. I had an over whelming feeling of love and comfort. At that moment I KNEW for myself that God and my Dad have always been there. Its an amazing feeling to feel like even though your father has pasted on, you can still feel him near, and know that he loves you. For the first in a long time, I am honestly happy of the person I am. I feel good about the decisions I am making. I find myself a lot happier now because of what happened. If I wouldn’t have had those amazing experiences, I wouldn’t have ever made the great decision that I made, and I would still be struggling and would be unhappy. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about how grateful, and happy I am! The Lord is always there, it’s just the matter of you letting him through your door, and accepting him in your life. If we accept him, he wont let go. But we must do our best and show Heavenly Father that we are willing to do what it takes. . There is a song by Rascal Flatts that I love and reminds me of this...

“I Wont Let Go”

Its like a storm, it cuts a path,

it breaks your will , it feels like that

You think your lost, but your not lost on your own,

your not alone.

I will stand by you, I will help you through,

when you have done all you can do,

and you cant cope.

I will dry your eyes, I will fight your fight,

I will hold you tight and I wont let go.

It hurts my heart to see you cry,

I know its dark, this part of life,

Oh, it find us all, were to small to stop the rain,

Oh but when it rains,

I will stand by you, I will help you through,

when you have done all you can do,

and you cant cope,

I will dry your eyes, I will fight your fight,

I will hold you tight and I wont let you fall,

don’t be afraid to fall,

I’m right here to catch you, I wont let you down,

it wont get you down, your gonna make it,

Yeah, I know you can make it,

cause I will stand by you, I will help you through,

when you have done all you can do,

and you cant cope,

I will dry your eyes, I will fight your fight,

I will hold you tight, and I wont let go,

Oh, I’m gonna hold you and I wont let go.

Wont let you go,
No I wont!



Have you ever had those moments where you cannot explain how your feeling? You feel like you are feeling every emotion all at once. I was working today and one of my co- workers asked me how my weekend had been so far. I sat there and try to explain to him how awesome my night was, but nothing would come out. Last night I hung out with my friend Amanda. And for all those who know Amanda and I, we go wild when were together. We went bowling and had a blast! We did our normal crazy things. But that night was so different from any other day that we've hung out. It was a very spiritual night. After bowling, we went to Denny's to go see my friend Sarah. While we were there, Amanda and I had the best and deepest converation we've had in a very long time. It's amazing to know that when you go through a really hard trial, and you feel so alone. What you don't realize is, there is someone out there who is feeling the same heartache and hardship as you are.  In this case it was my best friend. I have been struggling with a trial for a while now, and all this time i've always thought that I was going through this hardship all by myself. Last night as we talked about our trial, that's when all these crazy emotions seemed to pile on me. I felt so scared, relieved, happy and sad all at the same time. I also felt the spirit so strong. That was the strongest I felt it in a really long time. At that exact moment I knew that I will always have someone to talk to when I'm really struggling, and most importantly, I recognized the spirit so strongly, it gave me comfort that God will always be there for me too, and has been all this time! So as I sat at work trying to explain how my weekend was, all I could say was it was amazingly fun and crazy and spiritual all at the same time. Yes he kinda starred at me and gave me a look like..umm are you on drugs! I've said so many times before that everything happens for a reason, and I can strongly say, that is a true statement. Everything that happened this weekend, God knew that's what I needed exactly to give me an extra push to becoming more like him. The last two weeks have been the best two weeks. I have recently started to go the singles ward. I have met so many new and fantastic people, and I met 3 of my new recent what I'll call best friends! Yes they are my best friends even if I haven't known then for two long, and don't worry I still have all the same best friends from before too. But meeting them has been such a huge blessing! I've been so involved in activities and have made many friends, and it's helped me in my time of trial. I have felt so alone, and ever since I met them, I've gelt so loved, welcome, and appreciated. I haven't been this happy in a long time! EVERYTHING happens for a REASON! And I am grateful for the blessings God has given me! I love my Father in heaven, and my earthly father! I know that they are always there for me in my time of need. I'm so grateful for my family, and the support and love they give to me, and for my friends who are always they for me, and make me feel like important, and cared for! Thank you all so much! I love this gospel so much. It's brought me such happiness. I know with all my heart that the gospel is true, and that Jesus died for my sins, and atoned for me. I'm so grateful, cuz without the atonement, I would be lost! I love this gospel!

"None of us will become perfect in a day or a month or a year. We will not accomplish it in lifetime, but we can begin now, starting with our more obvious weaknesses and gradually converting them to strengths as we go forward with our lives. this quest may be a long one: in fact, it will be lifelong. It may be fraught with many mistakes, with falling down and getting back up again. And it will take much effort. But we must not sell ourselves short. We must make a little extra effort. We would be wise to kneel before our God in supplication. He will help us. He will bless us. He will comfort and sustain us. He will help us to do more, and be more, than we can ever accomplish or be on our own."

— Gordon B. Hinckley