Have you ever felt like there was something missing in your life but have no clue what?
Its hard to pin point what exactly im lacking. Just going day by day, doing the same exact thing every single day. That feeling of worthlessness. I have a lot of regret. I wish I would have done better in school, gone to college, been more successful. I dont know what it is that I want to do. My life is wonderful, dont get me wrong. I love everything about my life. I love my husband with all my heart, and he is so sweet and loving towards me. I have a lot to be grateful for. A nice apartment to live in, a job, a car, and loving family and friends. But sometimes I feel like I am missing something. No its not kids. I definitely am NOT ready to have kids yet. In fact, I really want to live my life to its fullest before that step in my life begins. My wonderful husband, he is such a hard worker. Hes been going to school, and work. Which makes his days 13-14 hour days. LONG DAYS for sure. Yet he still finds time to spend quality time with me. Its hard when you only see him for a few hours a day, but we get by. We make our time together last. There are hours in a day that I am at home alone, and as much as I love being lazy. It starts to really wear on you. Id rather be doing something fun with my time. Also taking into account, MONEY! Cant do much without that. Ive thought about going to school. Actually id love to go back to school. Just go for some fun things, and general classes. But that cost lots of money. Ive thought about doing something I really enjoy. Crafts. I actually thought about, and still am thinking about buying some used furniture then putting my craft skills to work and refurnishing them into something super cute then selling it. Maybe earn a few extra bucks. Theres a lot of things I have thought about doing. Whats missing? I just feel so empty right now. I want to enjoy my last few years of freedom. Once the time in my life comes (kids I mean), which im super excited for, it changes your life forever. I want to make the best of my time before, while I have that freedom. But what? This has been going through my head the last few days, and I am struggling with an answer. No I'm not depressed. Just confused. Maybe i'm not too thrilled with myself when it comes to work and education. Wish I was more up and successful. I thought writing this all out would help me think about what I really want. Its not really working. Ha. I just go day by day, making it through week by week. I dont wanna live that way. I want to look back and think of how much fun it was around this time. Mark and I have tons of fun together when he is home. I love being with him. We wrestle and tease eachother all the time. Play silly games. Cuddle on the couch watching tv. Those moments I will treasure forever. Its the time when he is gone. I look back the last month, when I started working at my new job. When I think of how I spent my spare time, all I can think of is sitting on the couch being lazy waiting for mark to come home. I dont like that feeling. The feeling of wasted precious time. What should I do? Thats the question that runs through my head over and over again, ever single day! : /